There are a whole lot of lies I tell myself. You probably have yours too.
Mine are lies that mediate between what I know is best, and what I want to do at the moment. They are lies that depress my scrupulous perfectionist streak, and they are lies that soothe my sense of immediacy.
I have lied to myself for a long time saying “everything will get done eventually.” That in some distant time I will have the ability to combine every hobby of mine with a job and social life. And keep a clean house, garden and manicured nails.
That lie soothed my frustration when I wasn’t able to make a lunch for work the night before, and when I couldn’t mop the floor of my classroom everyday, and when the brilliant essay I wanted to write about my experiences playing intercultural soccer still languished in my brain.
I don’t think that lie is one of the beneficial ones I tell myself anymore. I think that lie is harming me. It’s distracting me from the perfection of when I DO manage to study 2.5 hours straight, and when I do manage to read three or four articles about A Science Discovery. Because that lie has told me I can just make unlimited stores of “you should, could and will do x,y,z things that you NEED to do.” That lie hasn’t pardoned the relentless sprint of time; that lie has pushed me to run with time on my heels always nipping my ankles with passed deadlines. I’m living with the past and future taking chunks out of my brain.
Chances are, I won’t do everything. At the very least I won’t do it all, not with the frequency, and regularity that that sentence has made me think. So it’s time to search for a new sentence.